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This article originally appeared on Business Insider.
This essay is based on a conversation with Matt Abrahams, a lecturer at Stanford University, communications consultant, author, and podcast host. Edited for length and clarity.
I specialize in helping people become comfortable and confident with planned and spontaneous communication, and I teach strategic communication as a lecturer at Stanford University’s Graduate School of Business. Here are some recommended ways to deal with unexpected news at work, such as promotions, layoffs, or layoffs.
The first challenge when you are caught by surprise is that there is pressure to react immediately, but you don’t have to. Most people will regret the first words out of their mouth if they react too quickly.
Step 1: Pause
The first thing to do is take a beat. One way he does this is by saying, “I need time to process this.” Another option is to ask clarifying questions or rephrase them to give them time to process what’s going on.
If you need a big break, it’s okay to let go of the situation. You can say, “Okay, thanks for letting me know. Let’s set up a separate time to talk or I’ll go get some water.”
Step 2: Check in with yourself
During the pause, ask yourself, “What does this mean? How do I feel about it?” Many of us have an emotional reaction at first, but upon reflection we may conclude that it’s not as bad as we thought.
Step 3: Configure the response
I love the three-part structure: “What, then what, now?” “What” could be anything, whether it’s something that makes you happy or something that makes you upset. The “so what” is the important reason. And what is the next step? If you train yourself to react that way when these surprising events occur, you will be able to react more efficiently, quickly, and in a consistent and logical manner.
Do you remember my response? Why is it important? What do I need next?
Example 1: You get a promotion and are surprised.
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Contents: That’s amazing. I’m really excited.
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So what we do is we can execute all of the plans that we’ve been talking about.
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So, when does the promotion take place?
Example 2: The organization is being reorganized and your job is no longer needed.
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Contents: Wow, that’s a big surprise. very sorry.
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Now, I think we need to finish the project and transfer the information.
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Now, what do you want me to do next? And what is it?
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protocol?
Step 4: Make sure you understand
In these situations, especially if it’s bad news or constructive feedback, the other person is feeling very stressed about saying it, and your response may fall on deaf ears or go unheard. You may.
So I think the last step is to check in and say, “Okay?” See where I’m coming from? Do you have questions about my answers? As a way to make sure I get what I said.
Step 5: Write an email according to the situation
If I get some good results, I might write an email and say, “Hey, thank you. That’s great. I’m really excited.” I lean toward expressing gratitude, even in negative situations. Write, “Thank you for bringing the news to me. I’m sorry, but I’m grateful for the opportunity I had with your company.” No need to burn bridges or raid.
Read the signs before you are caught off guard.
I think a lot of times when people are caught off guard, they sit back and look back and say, “I should have expected this to happen.” When your boss’s boss calls you into the office, you might say, “Hmm, I wonder what that means.” You can never be completely prepared. But when I talk to people, most of the time they share with me that they knew something was abnormal that they should have noticed.
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