Lessons learned from two age-gap friendships with friends in their 80s

• When my husband and I moved to Rockville, Maryland, we started attending a new church.
• One evening I met two ushers named Art and Jack.
• I’ve been friends with them for 9 years now.

Throughout the nearly 20 years I lived in the Washington, DC area, I attended about five different churches to find the one that was right for me. When her now husband and I moved to the Rockville, Maryland area in 2013, we found a church within walking distance. That was important to me as I don’t have a car. I knew in my heart that this would be the missing piece of the puzzle in my life and provide the faith community I was looking for.

Lo and behold, two people in their 80s warmly welcomed me into their community and let me join. Despite the age difference, we have become great friends and our friendship has only grown stronger over the last nine years. Here are some important life lessons I learned from them.

Friends may come from unexpected places.

At Mass one Saturday evening, I smiled at the older man who serves as our weekly usher. He always smiled at me as he walked to the back of the church to pick up his basket for his weekly collection. To my surprise, he walked up to my seat, whispered that one of the usual ushers was unavailable, and asked me to help him and another older man, who always helps, put away the collection. I asked if he could help me.

Ushers are usually male. Women are also welcome as ushers, but traditionally most churches tend to recruit men in their 70s and 80s for volunteer work. I immediately agreed to help him, but was surprised that he approached me for help and not the older man who was sitting near me. I later learned that the usher, named Art, thought my smile made me look warm and friendly. I thought the same about him too!

Despite growing up in the Silent Generation, where the masses had very clear traditions and rules, I was happy to learn that people born in that era could be more advanced than I thought. is.

Whether you’re 35 or 85, you’ll never feel old.

The whole young-at-heart cliché is actually quite true. After helping out as an usher that evening, I became a regular at the Saturday 5pm mass. I became friends with Art and another guy named Jack who helped me that night.

Jack, also in his 80s, was the head of a thriving automobile empire. I was impressed by his humble attitude. He had money but you never knew it. Art and Jack, along with a couple I met in their 70s, always watched over me, gave me rides to and from church, and made sure I got home safely.

I’m in my 30s, but I often still feel like a teenager when I listen to music I listened to decades ago, like the Spice Girls or Britney Spears. It was refreshing for me to learn that art was also tied to his interests since childhood. He built an elaborate model railroad village in the basement space of his home, adding to it over the decades. He showed off the space wearing his conductor’s hat and had the same sparkle in his eyes that he probably had as a child in the late 1930s and early 1940s.

So is Jack. He was a pilot when he was younger, and on the drive home from church he told me how he flew to his home in Florida. He has owned his four planes since his 60’s and held his flying license at the time. While a corporate pilot flew the plane, Jack was still in the cockpit, giddy like a young man in his 20s.

Both Jack and Art taught me that no matter how old you are, you are always young at heart. They are able to remain active and happy seniors by continuing to pursue the hobbies and interests they loved when they were younger.

Be kind, stay humble, and stay hopeful

Finally, meeting Jack and Art reminded me of three simple life lessons. It’s about being kind, being humble, and keeping your faith. This simple act of kindness that Art showed me on a Saturday evening led to her spending eight years at her church until her husband and I moved out.

Jack’s humility about his accomplishments makes him realize that no matter how much money he has or how many honors and awards he has won, it is far more important to treat people the way you want to be treated. taught me. He would never know that Jack was a millionaire. To me, he was an 80-year-old friend I met while driving home from church.

Both Art and Jack taught me to keep hope alive. Art lost two wives in her life, but remained hopeful not only in her love (he has been dating a female partner since losing his second wife) but also in his religion. I did. They taught me how important it is in life to believe in something: family, friends, love, your chosen religion.