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Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. I have a question? Send it here to Athena and Elizabeth. (It’s anonymous!)
Mr. Paydirt
My wife and I live in a studio apartment in an expensive city. Luckily, the rent is controlled, which would otherwise be an out-of-area price.
It also has a closet, which is rare. We are expecting a baby this summer, so I decided to invite my girlfriend’s mother-in-law to help us DIY the nursery (closet). My mother-in-law is a kind woman, but she has never left her hometown until now.
She was appalled at how small our living space was, claimed she “needed” all the baby trash she could get, and has since started shipping it via Amazon. Her wife and I returned them, which caused a rift with my in-laws. Both my sisters-in-law accuse my wife of hurting their mother’s feelings. We both have kids with play areas bigger than our apartment and are drowning in plastic waste. We usually agree to leave each other in charge of our families, but this whole mess brought my wife to tears. I’ll be honest, I’m ready to play the bad dad and forbid any and all interaction with the baby until the in-laws back off. Any advice?
— Drowning in junk
Drowning in my dear junk,
No one wants to be drowning in junk, especially in a small space. I enlisted the help of Courtney Morgan, a licensed clinical counselor and founder of Counseling Unconditional.
Morgan suggests giving yourself time to process what’s going on before broaching the subject of baby-related topics. They sound excited and well-intentioned, but they just need to pivot in a more productive direction. “We encourage you to identify their desire to help and support you and your wife, and share how they can provide that support in a way that works for your space,” Morgan said. Ta. I would talk to her wife before I talk to her mother-in-law, as she may be the best person to convey this message to her family. However, during that discussion, you should both be clear about what will happen if you continue to send unnecessary baby items.
Morgan suggests the following as a script: I received the latest Amazon gift. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the space in my apartment so I decided to return the item. Thank you very much for your support. Rather than sending physical gifts, help us when we get home from the hospital and support us when the baby is born. Our space is not suitable for storing gifts received. I will continue to return the gifts I received. We sincerely appreciate your excitement for our baby! ” Good luck.
–Athena
classic prudy
Overall, I consider myself a very easy-going person for a soon-to-be-married person, especially considering the uncertainty of planning due to the pandemic. But today one of my sisters decided to dye her hair orange. Orange means poorly made, fake, garish orange.
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